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Have you ever been in a situation where someone was being rude or reacted aggressively towards you and you just wished you knew how to talk back in German?! You know… that perfect German comment on the tip of your tongue? 

Some expats have found themselves in situations where they felt intimidated or insecure and didn’t know how to respond in German.

Especially in COVID times, some folks seem to be even more on the edge lately. And as much as we, here at Life in Düsseldorf, can try and shower you with the most beautiful flower spots in the city or amazing ways to get you out in nature…  let’s be honest… it hasn’t all been rainbows and butterflies lately, has it?

And since we all really haven’t been around many people or socializing much, it only seems to be the new norm – but does it really have to be this way? 

Germans can naturally come across as quite blunt and direct and make sure to tell you if you did something wrong. They also have a knack for complaining (here’s a video about 8 hilarious things Germans love to complain about). While that may be helpful in the business world to get things done quickly, it can seem aggressive to foreigners in everyday situations. 

When German isn’t your mother tongue and you just don’t speak German well enough it can be a challenge to find the right words to react quickly and effectively.

However, every situation is unique, and it’s always best to “kill them with kindness”. Especially if you are unsure whether you actually did do something wrong… it is best to soften the counter tone and comment kindly with a simple „Entschuldigung“ or „bitte“.

To start or react with a soft „Entschuldigen Sie bitte“ goes a long way in the German culture, especially with the elderly. It doesn’t mean that you actually apologize and commit you have been wrong – it’s widely used as a friendly form to address and de-escalate a situation.

And don’t forget: It always depends HOW you say it 😉

So here are a few tips, wordings, sentences, and scenarios that might help you in the future. Please note: These are wordings that some of my German friends use and by no means have to be said in that exact way 😉 

 

How to Talk Back in German | Scenario 1:

If someone is being rude or offensive and you don’t know what the issue is or if you did something wrong

German SentenceEnglish Translation
Bitte entschuldigen Sie. Ich verstehe das Problem nicht.Excuse me. I don’t understand what the problem is. 
Entschuldigen Sie bitte. Habe ich etwas falsch gemacht?Excuse me please. Did I do something wrong here?
Können Sie mir bitte sagen, was ich falsch gemacht habe?Can you please tell me what I did wrong?
Können wir das auch in einer ruhigen Form besprechen?Can we discuss this in a calm way?
Können Sie sich bitte an die Regeln halten?Can you please follow the rules?
Können Sie nicht aufpassen? (For example, someone pushes your shopping cart away on purpose or pushes you)Can’t you pay attention?
Was ist denn das Problem? (This can sound very harsh so make sure you say it in a very calm way in order to de-escalate the situation)What is the problem actually? 
Das ist aber nicht gerade die feine englische Art (Also quite bold and not used often, only when someone is really being aggressive for no reason)That’s not very nice actually!

*Note: The bold words are used in German to soften the tone. Green are softer versions, orange can possibly trigger an argument or worsen the encounter

 

How to Talk Back in German | Scenario 2:

If someone is very aggressive towards you for absolutely no reason

German Sentence English Translation
Entschuldigen Sie mal!Excuse me!
Also hören Sie mal!Listen to yourself!
Das ist aber nicht sehr freundlich.That is not very friendly
Bitte respektieren Sie die Privatsphäre.Please respect my privacy.
Ist das Ihr Ernst? (This can sound very harsh so make sure you say it in a surprised, calm way)Are you serious?
Nicht Ihr Ernst oder! (You actually point out, that the person can’t be serious in what he or she is doing. This is also quite blunt so make sure you say it calmly)You can’t be serious!
Das geht gar nicht! (You actually point out, that the person is doing you wrong)That’s not ok at all!
Geht es auch in einem anderen Ton? (You actually point out, that the person is using aggressive language)Can you say that in a nicer way?
Geht’s noch? (This is only used in real arguments and can trigger the situation even more. It would only be used if someone is actually hitting you on purpose or gets physically violent)Are you out of your mind?
Haben Sie sie noch alle? (This is rarely used and can escalate the situation)Do you have a screw loose?
Sie haben sie ja wohl nicht alle! (This is rarely used and can escalate the situation)You have a screw loose!

*Note: The bold words are used in German to soften the tone. Green are softer versions, orange can possibly trigger an argument or worsen the encounter, red is really looking for an escalation

 

How to Talk Back in German | Scenario 3:

If you just want to end the discussion or rude commenting

German SentencesEnglish Translation
Ihnen auch einen schönen Tag!Good day to you too!
Haben Sie keine anderen Sorgen?Don’t you have other things to worry about?
Sind Sie in Eile? (For example, if someone pushes in front of you in a shopping line)Are you in a hurry?

*Note: The bold words are used in German to soften the tone.

Please note that by no means is this article supposed to be a guide to trigger arguments. It’s always best to be kind no matter what and listen to the other person!

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